Who are you?

Who are you?

I am Justine. I am a yoga teacher. A mother. A wife. A daughter. A sister. A design graduate. A former secondary school teacher. A member of the British Wheel of Yoga. A helper at my kid's school.

Yes, but without all that, who are you?

I am a woman. I am a housewife. I am a singer in the shower. A business woman. An aspiring authouress. A former mural artist / wedding stationer / fashion show dresser / web designer / barmaid / summer camp counsellor. A perpetual student. A tribal belly dancer.

Yes, but without all that, who are you?

I am an over-thinker. An artist. I am an ideas person. I am a yogini. I am trying to improve.

But who are you?

I am a child grown-up. A crone-in-the-making. I am a body, a mind and a heap of emotion that I am trying to understand.

Who are you?

I am confused. I am mysterious. Unknowable. Boundless. Connected. I have no idea. I know nothing. I am fizzy. Light. I am Yoga.

Sometimes, our intelligence, personality traits and lifestyle habits become a smoke-screen obscuring the simple truth of who we are. The labels that we give ourselves and that our friends, families and enemies have given us contribute to our illusion.

These labels often describe our human-ness but say nothing about our being-ness. We are all human beings, not just solid, finite, differentiated human forms but invisible, infinite, undifferentiated and formless beings - otherwise what is the difference between being dead and alive? My being-ness is the same as yours and it can't be created or destroyed!

The difference between the truth of who we are and our expectations of who we should be is where stress lies and as well as being a psycho-emotional issue, stress sits in the muscles of the body, restricting breathing and affecting our moods.

When we suffer these human limitations, we forget that we are still beings and identify soley with the frustration, the pain, the injury etc. of our human selves. We think we are just the wrapping paper and forget that we are in fact the present!

I am a human being on a journey of involution, that is a journey of returning to the source of who I am.

I see this as a lifelong process of clearing away the false judgements and labels I've allowed myself to identify with.

Yoga asanas expose us to these physical and psychological limitations in a controlled, safe environment with the aim of forging our bodies and characters. Can we face up to our limitations with compassion, contentedness and truthfulness on the mat? If so, how can anything worry us off the mat!

The guidance that the philosophy of yoga has offered me, keeps me (sometimes) on the path I have chosen. Plenty of times, at this stage of my journey, I stray, neglect myself and suffer! I become absorbed in my imperfections and illusions - the fact that I am not naturally flexible, I don't look like those bendy models in the yoga magazines and that I still get really ratty sometimes! Then, I get back on my mat, take a deep breath and stretch it all away. Yoga helps me find equanimity and it shuts up my inner bitch!

Practicing yoga hasn't made me super-human. There is no magic pill for achieving blissful enlightenment. There is a very disciplined moment by moment battle required to stay on the path of yoga. With the guidance of my being and those who've trodden the path before me... I hope my human makes it!

The search for Raja Yoga

I spent a luxurious weekend in Oxford at the beginning of October at the Global Retreat Centre of the Brahma Kumaris. This organisation had been recommended to me by my yoga teacher and I was impressed and intrigued by the fact that the entire stay would be free of charge! They teach Raja Yoga, which is meditation with the aim of gaining mastery of the mind. Raja means Royal and is considered to be the highest form of Yoga.

... two nights, my own room and en suite, no cooking, cleaning, picking up dog poo, refereeing kids bickering matches... er, yes please!

I began meditating about 8 years ago (Transcendental Meditation) to help with my sleep deprivation when the afore mentioned kids were brand new but my practice slipped when the kids went to school and I began teaching yoga (ironic I know!). Having learnt more about the theory during my BWY course, I was keen to refresh my experience. I wanted to walk my talk!

I was really blown away by the weekend and came back feeling inspired and uplifted both by the almost medicinal quality of the meditations but also by the beautiful surroundings. I couldn't quite believe I was staying in a stately home (in pristine condition) set in 55 acres of the Oxfordshire countryside on the River Thames.

The cynic in me (or is that the part of me conditioned by society?) wondered why and how they could offer all this - they must want something in return and yet the innocent in me so desperately wanted to believe that these people really might be challenging our rather greedy and selfish society by nurturing us unconditionally. They said that they knew if they gave freely that we would want to pass the good feeling on to others and that was their purpose, to spread a bit of love and peace around the world.

With over 8000 centres worldwide and links with UNICEF and the UN, they are obviously having quite an impact but still I had to consider both my reactions...

Isn't this how cults lure you in after all, by giving you something you need, brainwashing you and then getting you to hand over all your family silver?! This suspicion must have been rife in the group as during the first few sessions there had been a whispering sound at the back of the room which some decided could have been subliminal messaging. It turned out that the maintenance man's Polish father was attending the course and he was very quietly translating for him!

Phew! Safe for now...!

On the whole, I found that everything said during the weekend resonated with me and this made the experience very comforting. There were a couple of philosophies that jarred with me though. Firstly, the fact that those who had devoted themselves to the BKs felt the need to be celibate. From what I've learnt about Yoga, it seems to me that the ancient texts recommend a return to the natural functioning of us as 'human beings'. I.e. 'Human' - solid forms, part of nature and 'beings' - invisible, formless life force, part of ....(now that's the question!). So how can it be natural to deny the one aspect of our physical functioning that is most vital to the continuance of the species?

I was also glad to hear them say that the BKs are not religious but rather spiritual. They even had a painting similar to one that I have done of a tree displaying the many religions on different branches with a glowing light representing a spiritual essence on the trunk of the tree. When asked what religion I am I say I am a tree hugger - hugging the spiritual trunk rather than a religious branch! However, I noticed that although they said all that, they still had devotional pictures of their leader, Brahma Baba all over the walls.... hmmmmm

I enjoyed the meditation and had some rather unusual visual experiences as a result of meditating with my eyes open. One of the teachers in particular, Sister Manda seemed to morph into different people from different eras in front of my eyes - that was different! Perhaps my mind sabotaging my efforts to quieten it down, or maybe psychic past life visions, or could be just be what happens when you stare at someone - not sure, give it a go and check for yourself!

There's no doubt in my mind that when we begin to explore our own consciousness we are entering into unchartered territories and that that throws up all kinds of suspicions and fears for those taking part and their families.

When I came back with this renewed energy and effervescence those around me were immediately suspicious because 'there's no such thing as a free lunch' and even though I'm generally quite happy, to be on a natural high for over a week is just unnatural - isn't it?!

Are we all so used to experiencing happiness and peace as mere glimpses that when we encounter it for a longer period, we feel it's wrong? Had I been brainwashed into happiness?

Well, bring it on! The way I look at it we've all been brainwashed every second of the day since we were born! By parents, siblings, friends, collegues, advertising, television... the list goes on and the brainwashing isn't at all helpful. I am not what other people have told me I am! I am a mystery even to myself and if a bit of positive programming can improve my quality of life then I'm all for it - brainwash away!

I suppose I hope that I can navigate my way through any ulterior motives from those guiding me and have faith that when done properly, meditation itself leads you to your own truth.

So, whilst the weekend and the BKs have thrown up all sorts of questions for me and presented me with their truth, I hope my own practice will guide me towards my own.

ooooh, the sea, the sand, the sun

I went on holiday to St. Ives over the summer and as I used to live there (and still have a hankering after going back,) I thought I would get some yoga photos done whilst there. The pics on my previous site were a bit lame (taken at bro's Christmas party!) and it was to be a bit of a treat for completing my British Wheel of Yoga diploma.

I hoped that the sun, sea and sky would carry on inspiring me after my weeks break, when I returned to my usual routine - and they do! The photographer, Ricky Vitulli is some kind of magician I think (or well versed in photo editing!). If you're ever in St. Ives his company is called Kiss Photography http://www.kissphotography.co.uk/

Anyways, I hadn't expected a death defying scramble over the rocks at the back of the island or kneeling on barnacles but went with the flow! It was surprisingly hard to stand on one leg on a sloping surface with the sea refusing to keep still as well! But I'm really pleased with the results. The pics are just what I wanted, not particularly of me with cheesy grin, but more capturing a beautiful landscape and mood - with some yoga shapes thrown in.

Of course, when I saw the photos I then realised I would have to totally re-design my website to go with them (did I really of I am just OCD? the verdict's still out).

So, the new website is no longer pink mendhi patterns and hindu font, it's fresh sea blues and greens. When I look at it, it reminds me of walking round the back of the island on a very bright but blustery day and watching a seal bob up and down in the frothy waves with as much awe and wonder as my two kids! The air was so fresh, I could pratically feel every cell getting a new zingy shot of oxygen and that energy or 'prana' is what I hope to convey with the new site design.

I find St. Ives really uplifting and hope to keep that feeling in all surroundings at all times and if I can't, well I can always look to the photos and remember!

I've also added a new page about me. Hmmmm, feel a bit weird about that but there it is out there anyway and there's also the new gallery with the photos Ricky took.

And if you're curious to know what 'prana' is, there's also an essay that may make this mysterious concept a little clearer.

no need to read - just checking my blog feed!

this is just a test to see where this blog ends up - it should not be going to my personal facebook page!!! : (

What a week!

Having restructured my timetable so that it works really efficiently, not too much travelling from job to job, time to run the kids to their busy social events (!) etc... this week has gone bonkers! Well, 10 days really...

It started on the 30th June when I spent the day teaching every class in a primary school 30 minutes yoga. I did 8 classes back-to-back for their sports day, with the aim that they would learn some relaxation skills.

It went really well, we funked up Surya Namaskar with music from MC Yogi before bathing in a rainbow during the relaxation with lavender eye bags.

On the 2nd July, I presented a yoga session for parents and their toddlers to the Family Learning Centre in Leasowe. The parents really enjoyed trying Nadi Sodhana, alternate nostril breathing and of course, no one complained when they had to lie down without the kids for a few minutes!

Two days later, I ran my first yoga retreat day at Burton Manor. Thank you to everyone who attended, you left such great feedback, here's just a few comments...

"Thanks Justine. What a lovely introduction to yoga philosophy and practice. Loved the variety of practice and techniques today. Especially the physical yoga and the focussed meditation using sight and sound at the end. Thanks again. Will see you at the next course."

" - Well balanced experience of Yoga
- Relaxation and breathing techniques will be useful
- The deep breathing taught at the beginning was useful throughout
- One day is not enough!!!
- I really enjoyed the last session, the chanting, Bee Breathing"

"Thoroughly enjoyed the day. Very interesting - good explanations of what Yoga actually is. Feel I want to do more. Very informative and very relaxed - there is a lot more to Yoga than I realised. Thank you, Allison."

"Thanks Justine for a great day. It went too quick, even though I have been to your class, I learnt new things. Shelley"

"Really enjoyable - enjoyed every minute. Beverley"

"Really enjoyed the day - very friendly and relaxed. Very glad I came despite the bad shoulder! Hadn't realised that I already do many of the physical exercises at my 'bums and tums' class. Hadn't done the breathing stuff before though - felt great benefit from the nostril 'thing' (!) and it's so easy to remember - nor had I done the meditative stuff which I found really helpful. Hope to get the shoulder fixed so I can come to other sessions. Thank you!" (Ann)

What a fantastic venue for a yoga retreat, I'll definately be going back. In fact, I've been asked to do more events and I know that next time I'll be offering a beginners introductory day and then a variety of theme based events for the more experienced.

The next beginners day is Saturday 16th January 2010 and for those with more than 3 months practice, I'll be running, "Yoga Song and Dance" on February 13th 2010. This will explore the free flowing movements of Vinyasa Yoga, Yoga Trance Dance along with some kirtan chanting and mantra meditation.

Anyway, after that I had 4 days normal timetable and homework time before my FCA, Final Class Assessment for my British Wheel of Yoga 3 year Diploma which completes next month.

I'm pleased to say that I passed and got some lovely comments from my assessor Rosemary.

Meanwhile, my husband has been climbing Mont Blanc and should have been summitting just as I was being assessed this morning! This has added to my anxiety levels somewhat and although I'm pleased and relieved to have had such positive feedback from one of the 'Big Cahuna's' within the Wheel, I still have a little knot in my stomach until I get that phone call that he's down safely... maybe I should try Garudasana (my peak posture this morning) - a great stress reliever and take a bit of my own medicine!

All that's left now is my last course assessment at the penultimate meeting with the BWY this Sunday where I'm teaching headstand to the class. Then next week, my Karmatime kids have their end of term certificate - Yoga Trance Dancing to Nataraja, then a funky vinyasa dance to Jai Ho from Slumdog Millionaire and then.......

IT'S THE SUMMER HOLIDAY!!!!!

No work for 6 weeks! Looking forward to it x

Serendipity

My word for the day is serendipity. It's dictionary meaning is

- noun
1. an aptitude for making desirable discoveries by accident
2. good fortune; luck: the serendipity of getting the first job she applied for
(from www.dictionary.com)

I had a meeting today with the workshop co-ordinator at Burton Manor to discuss my forthcoming yoga retreat day on Saturday 4th July and to plan some future events.

The venue is fantastic, if a little frayed around the edges but full of potential which doesn't seem to have been exploited yet (maybe that's whats nice about it). The grounds are stunning and overlook the Dee Estuary and Wales beyond.

The room I'm hoping to run the retreat in is amazing with intricately painted plaster-work on the ceiling and enormous windows and doors opening onto the Dee view and gardens.

I was having a lovely time being given the guided tour (I love noseying round places!) when we came across the atelier, or artists studios. In the first studio there was a lady specializing in stained glass.

What a co-incidence! (I don't believe in co-incidence btw) I was just talking to my husband last night whilst watching Kirsty Allsops programme, "Kirsty Makes Totally Twee-but-lovely Stuff for Her Brand New Irritatingly Perfect Cottage by the Sea in Devon" - I think that's the name of the programme anyway... (green-eyed monster alert!).

She goes round hand making items for her new home and last night made a stained glass panel for the bathroom. Jim (hubby) said he'd like to learn about stained glass as a hobby and I said, "I bet they do that at Burton Manor".

No sooner said than done, the artist in question is running a course this Sunday! (Day before my anniversary, might make nice present?) What serendipity - it's not every day that you get that word into a conversation... I even slipped in the even bigger word 'serendipitous' whilst talking with George (bloke from Burton Manor) - I was quite pleased with myself, although I think he just thought I had a bit of a stutter and I'm not entirely sure if that is a real word.

Anyway, in the next studio was an artist and when we had been introduced her and her friend said that they'd really like to come on the yoga retreat. I spotted her business card and realised that I had phoned her just the night before, leaving a message on her machine about tutoring (her side-line) ... world of the strange...

Then, after chatting for a while and looking round the grounds I had a brainwave. I have been trying to get the 'Fairy Fair' (magical fantastic eccentricty rolled into a weekend) to come to the North West for over 2 years now and have wondered about a suitable venue. This place has 15 acres and could be just the spot... I don't know if anything will come of it yet but I've put the two in touch and am hoping I can get involved in someway.

The Fairyland Trust is a charity set up to educate and inspire children (and parents) about nature and conservation. I went to their Fair last year in Norfolk and it was probably the best event I've been to (since having kids!). It really rekindles the wonder of childhood through magical workshops, teaching you how to make REAL magic potions, fairy crowns, houses, wands, you can learn cookery from trolls, hear stories from travelling wizards and receive wisdom from the Electro-Gliding Angels. It's random, surreal and fabulous!

If I could play even a small part in bringing this event to this region, I would be really happy and it will help me in my endeavour to become fully eccentric by the time I'm old (not sure when that will be but plan to dye hair pink and ride motorbike).

So, that's where yoga has lead me today! To a number of serendipitous possibilities...

By the way, for details about my yoga retreat, visit www.yogawirral.co.uk/yoga_events.html

Yoga Trance Dance hit St. Helens!

I had two groups of 30 children dancing wildly to 'Nataraja' yesterday at a primary school in St. Helens. I don't think they knew what hit them!

I've been teaching at this school for about 18 months so they're used to hearing about new and perhaps unusual ideas. The staff are really forward thinking and have had me teach the whole school yoga and peer massage already.

This time I'm focussing on partner yoga with years 3 & 4 (ages 7-9) to help the pupils develop a bit more respect and compassion for one another.

I began by talking about prison and asked if it might be possible for many people to become metaphorically imprisoned by their own minds and bodies (without the big words tho!). Are there any thoughts that we have that hold us back in life and become like prison bars around us? If we are trying something new do our thoughts help or hinder us?

The general consensus was that thoughts like, "I can't do it" and "what will my friends think of me?" and "I'm scared" hold us back from feeling free to do what we want and limit us inside.

Our bodies can sometimes hold us back too. Most of us know people who have neglected themselves physically, avoiding exercise and moving as little as possible. The resulting stiffness, illness and degeneration then restricts what they can do in life. Their bodies become like prisons around them.

so, I themed the class around freedom. Feeling free in the body and mind. The song I was using mentions Natajara and Shiva, Hindu Gods, so I talked a bit about how Hindus sing their names to help dissolve all the silly thoughts that hold them back in life.

Then we started the dance! I knew that if I was even slightly embarrassed about dancing in front of teachers and pupils or if I was half-hearted, it just wouldn't work, so I went for it! Have a look at the video on youtube of Shiva Rea doing this dance.

Once the kids realised that they were free to go wild (albeit within the confines of this simple dance) they went for it to. The music was pumping and everyone was prancing up and down. Smiles and laughter all around. My arms were flying off up into the air and I was leaping as high as I could, then my turquoise bead bracelet exploded all around the hall so the kids went chasing after them laughing their heads off!

Everyone was so enlivened and high afterwards but not in a distracted way, they really focussed on the rest of the class after that.

The second group were a year older and I could immediately feel the difference. They weren't totally inhibited but they were on the turn. This must be the age when this worrying and self-consciousness begins perhaps.

I asked them to dance like no-one was watching and really go for it and most did. Just one or two stood looking bemused. The majority were really enjoying themselves, some a little too much as I realised that a couple of the girls and boys were staring at my boobs joggling up and down!!!

I felt a bit inhibited (for a millisecond!) and then just started shouting, "do we care what people say about us?" "No!!!" etc... this was exactly the point of the exercise. Body consciousness can really put kids off exercise all together.

I remember when I was at school I did ballet from the age of 2 until I hit puberty. Then my ballet teacher would bring this cane thing she had and tap my hips and comment that I'd never be a professional ballet dancer with hips! Ur, not a lot I can do about that luv! I was in good shape too, just getting curves but I suddenly wanted the floor to open up and I hated the changes that were happening to my body - it was so out of my control! I gave up ballet when I was about 15 I think, in fact I gave up all physical exercise. I'd scive off PE (permanent period or asthma attack) and gave up the gym team too.

So yesterday I just let them wobble! So what! And my inhibition was infectious. The teachers were amazed at the 'cool' boys hopping around like a tribe. Although when some of them requested we do the dance again, I did wonder what their motives were!? Perhaps a support bra might be in order next time?